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Craig's List IV: Fuck You, Hire Me

January 23rd, 2010

Craig's List IV: Fuck You, Hire Me
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Written by: joe hx
Published on January 23rd, 2010 @ 08:20:53 pm , using 13 words, 590 views
Posted in Humor, Craig's List

Now this is how you land that great job:

Currently Unemployed. I'm a college student. I have literally NO EXPERIENCE in anything productive or would seem productive in the business world. However, I can play the piano. Also, I'm very good at ridiculing/berating/insulting people. I'm White, I don't know if this is a prerequisite, but it may count for something. By the way, I'm not racist- I know several black people and also drafted a number of them to my fantasy football team. Honestly, I'm a people person. I can get along with almost anyone until they get to know me. I'm not fat. I know fat people make terrible employees and that's why you should hire me, I'm in shape. Think of the thousands of dollars you could save in health care costs because I won't have heart attacks/diabetes/sore feet due to obesity!. Also, I'm attractive. Not over-the-top handsome, but comely. I'd say about a 7.5-8.0. If you think that I'm arrogant or egotistic for stating this, look in the mirror. Fat and balding? Sorry. Not trying to be a jerk, but come on, maybe your sales are lackluster because of that ugly mug staring back you. Maybe you need a wholesome stud heading up your sales department. Unless your sales department has anything to do with gay male escorting. I speak the local dialect. I have no problem conversing in Pittsburghese and handle yinzer's well. Anyway, if you are looking to hire someone for a position(i don't do missionary), I;m the perfect candidate.

Until next time

Joe

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